"This Is William Kristol's Last Column"

With those six words we learn that the end of an era of ass hattery and incompetences has come to the New York Times. Since election day the worst kept secret on earth was that Bill Kristol was finally going to get shit canned and it couldn't have happened to anyone more deserving. But on the way out of the door he makes a comment in his last column that exemplifies the kind of Orwellian double speak and revisionist history that he has now become known for.

We don’t really know how Barack Obama will govern. What we have so far, mainly, is an Inaugural Address, and it suggests that he may have learned more from Reagan than he has sometimes let on. Obama’s speech was unabashedly pro-American and implicitly conservative.

Yet again was this neocon jack ass trying to imply that to be pro-American means that you must be conservative. That the conservative movement consistently fights against everything our country was founded on is of course besides the point. That the "liberal" ACLU whose whole mission is to uphold the constitution is the bane of every self respecting conservative's existence doesn't factor in. No, conservatives are pro-American because they believe they are the only ones on earth that get to define was being American really is. But lets focus on his assertation that President Obama's inaugural address was "implicitly conservative".

The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act — not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. All this we will do.

Hmmmm so now conservatives are all about "bold swift actions"? I thought the conservative doctrine was to take a hands off approach, especially when it comes to the markets and the economy.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works — whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

I am sure somewhere Ronald Reagan is rolling over in his grave. Or isn't government still "the problem"?

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control — and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart — not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

So conservatism is now about government oversight and prosperity for all? Damn maybe I need to switch teams. This conservative stuff is sounding pretty good right now.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace

Say it ain't so! Conservatives believe in religious acceptance and inclusiveness now? They aren't the movement of Christianity ONLY anymore? Wow, how did I miss that memo? It makes you think that they wouldn't have rejected a Muslim running for President after all. And I am wondering if Lou Dobbs could still be considered a conservative seeing as how I thought he wanted no parts of other languages and cultures helping to shape what it means to be American.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

Well hot damn, conservatives now care about poor people everywhere. Shit where can I sign up?!?!?!

The truth is we will hear this bullshit over and over again for the next 4 to 8 years. It is Kristol's one last attempt to define what being a liberal means. Its also why so many people are reticent about defining themselves as liberal now lest they be lumped into the categories that Kristol and all the other conservative bloviators create for us.

The conservative's liberal check list

Hate America? Check
Hate the military? Check
Want America to lose? Check
Want higher taxes? Check
Abortion on demand? Check
Government hand outs to all? Check
Dirty Fucking Hippies? Triple Check

Unfortunately for the Bill Kristol's of the world, being a liberal isn't just about having a label. It about having a philosphy that celebrates the values and principles our country was founded on as well as the willingness to act in our country's best interest. If Kristol wants to sell universal healthcare, acceptance of other voices, adhering to the rule of law, looking out for your fellow man, and believing that the government can and should have a role in bettering the lives of everyday Americans as conservative values then hey, have at it. But at some point there will have to be works to back up this kind of rhetoric and conservatives have historically shown that they FAIL in that capacity. Unless and until they wake up to the fact that their way of doing this has been repudiated in this last election there will not be a resurgence of the GOP and they will continue to linger in a perpetual state of irrelevance.